Those Days You Want to Just Quit

I’m having one of those days. ¬†You know it’s bad when you’re Googling, “I just wanna quit my novel.”

Why am I writing? Hell yeah, when I’m already behind on everything and have 2 kids who want to my attention ALL. THE. TIME.

Oh wait, I haven’t been writing much. Posting on Wattpad, ironically, burst my bubble as my brilliant chapters have garnered no more than 60 reads in about a month. Unfortunately, in the time tested tradition of emotionally dramatic writers, it’s sent my confidence plunging south. Now, I recognize logically that this is kind of dumb given that hey, Wattpad is largely colonized (I hear) by emotional YA type of stuff as opposed to the more “classical” style I’m espousing – third person, intricate plotting, lead in, etc.

Rereading my opening chapter on Wattpad did give me enough impetus though to suddenly charge through and edit the first chapter, which I now regard as pretty good. Leaving just the rest of this gloppy mess of a novel…

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I Feel Like Quitting

Yes, it’s one of those days.

My kids are sick and deadlines are looming, but I know that the thing that has pitched me into writing darkness is this: I posted the first few chapters on Wattpad as an experiments and got no more than 7 reads and 1 comment (admittedly, in 3 days). Which in turn made me realize how hard it is to get traction.

It also makes me wonder whether I have the gumption to keep trying.

But then, the moment I just started thinking about the actual novel and finishing, the sheer calming effect of my practice suddenly kicked in. The horrible cycle of addictively checking my Wattpad stats (hell, the thing doesn’t even earn you money!) and coming up empty handed stopped or at least quieted down.

It’s discomforting to think writing fiction may never earn me money. But maybe, at the end of the day, it’s just my practice. My Zen thing. The way a bird sings, so I should write: freely. Generously. For the love of the schtick.